Witch's Homework: Of What Is Contested

Huh... Prune's assignment doesn't look much like homework... More like a declaration of war...

"Hehehe, little Witch Hunter, have you found a way to defeat me yet? Shout your coolest challenge from the rooftops and prepare to bow down before the Dodo-King!"

Huh. Paimon'll bet a million Mora that Alice wrote this. If it wasn't for the part about a "Witch Hunter," Paimon would've thought this was written for Klee.

Prune isn't exactly Alice's biggest fan... Paimon can see her really blowing her top over a challenge like this...

Alice clearly knows what she's doing.

Should we try to... tone things down a bit when we tell Prune?

Tell me what? Lemme see!

Eek! Don't sneak up on Paimon like that! Fine... but you've gotta promise to keep it cool, okay?

Ugh... Booooring.

Huh? You're not mad?

Heh. I'm used to her childish little games. She likes to act mysterious, but it's all just cheap tricks.

Who "shouts a challenge from the rooftops" anyway? People walking past would look at me like I'm crazy. I'm not falling for that.

I might as well stand in the middle of the street shouting, "Look at me, I'm an idiot"!

I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!

H—Hey...!? Why's my voice coming from over there?

Huh? What's that? You're an idiot? Haha, you can say that again!

Hello, "An Idiot," nice to meet you! Hahaha! Did you lose a bet or something?

Sounds like a prank to me. Some dumb kid must have got tricked.

Arghhhh! Stop it... NOW!

I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!

...

Calm down, Prune! There's no need for violence...

A... A... ALICE!

Hello, everyone. Well, well, well, I wasn't expecting a challenge like that! It's certainly a novel approach. Anyway, congratulations on successfully activating your Witch's Homework Challenge!

I've prepared a magical space for you with a real sense of pomp and circumstance... But it's going to take a while to load...

So I thought, why not turn your challenge into loading music while you wait? Play it again and again to really build the excitement and get you properly pumped up. What d'you think?

I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!

Hey! That wasn't a challenge! Turn that stupid noise off right now!

Oh dear! It looks like there's been a misunderstanding... I'm afraid the loading music's already merged with the challenge. If I cancel it now, you'll fail the whole thing...

But, I mean, if you're certain. I guess you can try another time, if fate decides we should meet again...

N—No... Don't you dare run away again! Not after I finally tracked you down. Aaaagh... How much longer does this thing need to load!?

Huh, the magic space? Haha, it loaded ages ago.

Welcome to the pinnacle of the dramatic arts in all of Teyvat — the Opera Epiclese... or rather, a magical facsimile of it!

Your challenge is to win a debate, which is exactly why this magical space was created. Not bad, huh? Go on, try telling me the sense of spectacle isn't overwhelming you!

A debate? Don't you remember how I wiped the floor with you last time? Did you really go to all this trouble just to embarrass yourself again?

Hehehe... Well done! You displayed the intellect of a 16-year-old in a debate designed for 12-year-olds. How remarkable you are!

I know how much you like to argue, so I've prepared a wonderful topic that even you won't be able to refute!

A spirited debate requires a fair and impartial judge. Naturally, you were the only candidate worth considering, and I'm sure everyone else here agrees.

Then... is Paimon supposed to be up there?

Actually, I've been wanting to say this for ages. Paimon's been sitting up there in the VIP seats striking a pose for quite a while now...

That line sounds oddly familiar...

Hehe... Seeing as we teleported right here, I figured we should imitate our friend. She's quite the superstar in Fontaine, y'know!

As I recall, Paimon loves watching a good show. Well, there's no better seat in the house, wouldn't you say, Paimon?

Paimon can see everything! But, uhm, is it really alright for Paimon to watch from up here? She feels a little out of place...

Relax. This is my magic space, and I make the rules. I guarantee you the hoi polloi police aren't coming to kick you out.

And then there's Paimon, up there in the box seats. How's the view from up high, Paimon?

This is amazing! Paimon's never sat anywhere this fancy before... She's actually kinda scared to speak, in case someone finds out she's not meant to be here...

Well, you'd better get used to it quick, because we're going to need your cheers and applause in just a moment...

Enough time-wasting. Let's get this over with. What's the topic?

...Klee Is a Bad Kid!

Huh?

Huh?

This is the topic for you to refute. If you can convince our judge that "Klee is not a bad kid," you'll earn yourself a gift.

I don't want your stupid gift! Klee's your own daughter! How could you set a topic like this?

You... you're a bad person! The worst person!

Hehe... People do say, "Like mother, like daughter." Since I'm so bad, I guess Klee must be pretty bad, too?

Objection! That's pure sophistry. Your flaws lie in your character and conduct — there's no scientific evidence to show that those are hereditary traits.

Nurture has shown a far greater influence than nature. The people who look after Klee in Mondstadt are all better than you. Under their positive influence, Klee couldn't possibly turn out bad!

Do you dispute that Klee loves fish blasting? How could any good kid enjoy such a terrible pastime?

Th—That's just the nature of a child who hasn't been taught right from wrong!

Klee can see the boats in the harbor loaded with fish. How is she supposed to know the difference between how they get their catch and how she gets hers?

But is it not true that even after being sent to solitary confinement, Klee never learns her lesson?

It's true that Klee always accepts her solitary confinement and doesn't try to escape. That clearly shows she understands her punishment and doesn't hide from her actions.

Klee shouldn't be labelled as bad when she readily faces the consequences of her actions.

Moreover, after her last time in solitary confinement, despite saying she wanted to go fish blasting, she hasn't done it once without permission.

In fact, the last time she did go, it was only at the behest — you could say instigation — of someone she trusted. Her own mother, no less!

Mm.

At the end of the day, there's only one person here who deserves the title of "Bad Kid"! No, wait... "Bad Adult"! Hmm... But then what adult is so immature? ...I know, "Bad Kid-ult"!

That's what I call a comeback!

Oh, very compelling... A truly forceful argument! How's Alice going to respond?

Even if I accept your argument, it only proves that Klee has no bad intentions. It doesn't stop her from being a bad kid in other people's eyes.

Still stubbornly clinging on...

Fine, if that's your angle, then listen carefully, because here's something even you can't deny...

"In other people's eyes," Klee is cute, so they will always forgive her actions!

Hear, hear!

Exactly! Klee is so cute, who cares if she makes a few itsy-bitsy mistakes? In Paimon's eyes, she couldn't possibly be bad!

Contrary to everything you've said, Klee has far more good points than bad. She's always happy to share her toys, and when she wants to play but everyone else is busy, she never pesters them, and waits patiently until they're free instead...

But most important of all, she's kind. In her eyes, everyone is a wonderful person... even me, her mother's sworn enemy...

No matter what else, I won't let you besmirch such an adorable child by calling her bad!

...

I give up! You win — as her mother, I can't possibly argue with that, hahaha.

To hear you say those words... It seems you truly do consider Klee a good friend.

My daughter really is adorable, isn't she? Don't say I didn't warn you! I told you, if you met her, you'd end up happy.

Now you're boasting? I traveled all the way to Mondstadt because of your silly little prank!

Hahaha, it brings me so much comfort knowing that Klee has a friend like you by her side.

I do so look forward to seeing you both grow up. You can't imagine Klee still fish blasting at my age, can you?

Hold it right there... You're not about to say something corny like, "Tada! This was all a test to see how you really feel about Klee," are you?

You catch on quick! Seeing as you already know the deal, let's jump straight to announcing the results. Esteemed judge, if you will...

Ahem. "Little Prune's Witch Challenge: Passed! Please accept the following Witch's Blessing"...

"May you be as happy, healthy, well-fed, and worry-free as Klee herself."

When it comes down to it, you and Klee are both good kids. You're allowed to make mistakes from time to time, or even throw cutey-wutey little tantrums, hehe.

Uhm... Thanks? But this doesn't change anything between us. First things first, stop treating me like a child!

And second things second, I'm a Witch Hunter, and I won't forget my duty! You lost this time, so come out here and stop trying to fool me with that stupid doll.

Oh me, oh my, would you look at the time? Haha... Well, I had a LOT of fun today. I'll be sure to drop by the next time I'm free. Toodle-oo!

Hey, did you hear me? I haven't finished with you yet! Don't you dare run away...

Whoa, everything just vanished... Classic Alice, huh?

You wicked witch! Just you wait, I'll get you one day!